Michelle and I got our first dose of creepy men in Italy while we were staying in Rome. Our host, actually, at the bed and breakfast where we were staying was hilariously forward. His English wasn't very good, but it was better than my Italian, so we spoke in English. He told me I reminded him of his ex-girlfriend. He asked me where I lived in America because he wanted to know how far it was away from NYC. When he asked me where in the US was beautiful and I started describing the Grand Canyon, he almost had a conniption. When he said beauty, apparently he meant women. He told me he would stay in the US at my home in my bed. I told him he would most certainly not be doing that. He later came into our room (the door was open) just to look me up and down. I mean it was for effect. Then he reintroduced himself to me, like we had gotten off on the wrong foot or something. By the time Michelle and I left to visit our friend in the city, our host was shirtless and telling us goodbye.
When we got in that night, our host's cousin was there. He seemed super pleasant and not erotic. Then he said, "Come with me," and I conveniently followed him to his room (once again, open door). He asked me if I wanted tea. I said I didn't think so. Then he explained to me that it was "soft tea," which I think is chamomile. I said I was already tired enough to hit the hay and go straight to sleep, and then he asked me if I wanted a massage. I said no. Then we stared at each other awkwardly until I just walked out of the room. Oops.
In Conca del Marini, Michelle and I decided we would take a tour of the Emerald Cave, which contains an underwater Nativity scene, as well as beautiful naturally-lit waters. When the boat driver saw us, it was already game, set, match. He asked us where we were from, how old we were, if we had boyfriends close by, where we were staying, the usual, etc. He wanted to get drinks with us, and even though we explained that we had our own car, he wanted to drive us. When the other boat driver saw us, he started yelling, "Baby, baby! Come with me tonight!" When I shook my head no, he wanted to know why not. I told him we were already pending on another offer from his friend, and then that turned into, "Oh, the four of us are going together!"
On our ten-minute cruise through this cave--with other people on our boat--our driver continued to talk to us. At one point, he used his paddle to splash the blue, well-lit water to give a diamond effect, and he started shouting, "Diamonds! Diamonds! Tiffany! Dior! Dolce and Gabanna! Emily! Michelle!" He was kind of funny. When we saw the underwater scene, he started yelling, "Baby Jesus! Maria! All the animals! It's a miracle!"
He held my hand as I got off the boat and tried to sweet talk me and Michelle into getting drinks with him and his friend. When we declined, he asked us to wait 20 minutes until he "closed the cave" so that we could "take a dip" in the water. I'm telling you what, people, that's just too forward. We actually considered the offer for drinks, too, because we were definitely at that point in our trip where we sat together in silence because we didn't have anything to say to one another, but we really wanted to talk to someone. Thankfully, we met our Australian friend that evening, so all was well with the world.
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